Learning the Truth

This weekend I had the opportunity to listen to men and women who have been called by God to teach the world his truth. It’s always an amazing experience. As I reflected on the experience I had a realization that I wanted to share. First, I’ve learned a few things over the past two days. Some of the lessons that were most meaningful to me were:

• The Proclamation on the Family is the word of the Lord, and its teachings are one way in which Latter-day Saints will increasingly depart from the world.
• As I focus on serving others, doors in my life that appear closed will open.
• I should approach seeking direction in my life in the context of being able to serve others.
• When it comes to the people I meet and interact with, there are no coincidences.
• Not all the Lord asks of us is because of how strong we are, how faithful we are, or how much we know.
• “Holiness to the Lord” can be inscribed on anything, even drums.
• As you trust the Lord, it allows him to direct you.
• The Priesthood is governed by keys and covenants.
• The Priesthood is like a rocket. Its sole purpose is to deliver a payload. The payload the Priesthood is designed to deliver is the opportunity to be cleansed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
• If I cannot feel the light, it is not because it is not there, but rather because I am not in a place to receive it.

These are inspiring truths! But I think in some sense the most important lesson, if you can call it that, was not in the words that I heard this weekend. In fact I’m not even sure words are adequate to describe what I learned. Let me explain.

I’m in a graduate program, a doctorate of philosophy. I’m being trained and mentored in the art of philosophizing - of ideas and abstraction. My work right now is intellectual. It is cerebral in the extreme. I often spend hours thinking through ideas. Writing, critiquing my thoughts, asking myself questions, deleting, re-writing, and doing it again.

But this weekend I learned something that no philosophy will ever be able to convey. It wasn’t an idea and it wasn’t articulable. Because it was a feeling. More than my head, it was my heart that was learning the truth.

I don’t know how to explain it, other than simply to say that I had the most calm, sweet, and joyful feelings as I sat and listened to men and women speak eternal truth. I started to feel increased confidence in God. I felt more confidence in His plan for me. I felt to trust Him more. I felt assurance that everything will work out. I also felt a greater desire to be a better man. I want to improve my life and myself. I want to be more worthy. I want to be more willing to sacrifice the world. I want to be more ready to stand up for the truth. I want to be kinder. I want to more devout in my service. More diligent in my work, my study, my service. And more attune to the Spirit.

The gospel is intellectually stimulating to be sure. But it is much more than that. And the reason it is much more than that is that the intellect can only do so much to influence and propel people to change. The power of reason is limited in its capacity to teach us. Intellect alone will never be an adequate tutor. On the other hand, the influence of the Holy Spirit has the power to change us. The Spirit speaks to our minds and our hearts. And this weekend the Spirit spoke to my heart. It wasn’t what I heard spoken. It was what I felt as I heard those word spoken.

This is the magic of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It transforms us because it helps us feel that we want to be transformed. It gives us a taste of heaven. And in that taste we also feel the truth that it is obtainable through Jesus Christ. The real purpose of education is not just to know, it is to become. To me, this is what it means to learn the truth.

GRATITUDE, AGENCY, AND THE POWER TO BECOME

I can't believe it has been over a year since I have posted here. Well, here you go, live from Mexico City. 

Gratitude can be kind of a stale topic sometimes. Maybe because it seems like such a simple principle. Say thank you when you are given something, count your blessings regularly, you know. What else is there to being grateful? 

If you feel the same, keep reading. Actually, keep reading even if you don't. I learned a few things this week about how gratitude is connected to agency and our becoming what Heavenly Father wants us to become. It begins with that fact that for most of us it doesn't take long to notice the things that are missing from our lives. It seems to be a totally natural human tendency to readily recognize and focus on what we don't have. 

That scarcity can be either real or imagined. The family I am staying with lost an Uncle today. Just 30 minutes before I sat down to write this I was old their uncle had passed away this morning unexpectedly. That is a real loss. These things happen to all of us at some point. 

Other times, the scarcity in our lives is conjured up by comparing ourselves to others. I look at Instagram and see my family and friends with beautiful wives, happy children, successful careers, fun adventures, and delicious food. My experience has been that even though I don't always consciously think it, deep down inside I feel this way: "My life isn't like that. Where is mine? Why does everyone else seem to have what I am lacking?"

Well, scarcity is a part of life. In the scriptures and Church history there are soooo many examples of scarcity. Some of these stories end miraculously (the feeding of the 4,000/5,000; the woman who gave Elijah food to eat; Peter and his companions dropping their net on the other side if the boat). In all of these stories, the scarcity that seemed so hopeless was turned into abundance. 

On the other hand, we have examples of times things didn't end in miracles. Joseph Smith lost a set of twins at birth, only to be given the care over two other twins, who also subsequently died. His whole life seemed to be an endless chain of things being taken away from him. His reputation, his property, his family, and his friends. Until ultimately his life was taken. 

So here is the first principle: You can choose to be grateful, no matter what.

How do I know this? Two reasons. 

First, we have been given a commandment to "thank the Lord thy God in all things" (D&C 59:7). God doesn't give us commandments we can't keep! I know you may be thinking "But what about this family that just lost a loved one? Are we really expected to be thankful when that happens?" Here is a quote by President Uchtdorf that helps me with that question:

"Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind."

So yes, even during the loss of a loved one, I believe it is possible to be grateful. But it doesn't necessarily mean we say "I'm grateful so-and-so died". It does mean that deep down we feel gratitude for our eternal perspective and the hope of a reunion some day.

Second, I know this because I know we have agency. The thing about saying "I can't be grateful at a time like this" is that you are subtly diminishing your agency. You are giving up the power to choose. In a nutshell it is saying "gratitude is something that happens to me because of circumstances beyond my control." Here is another great quote (don't know the source):

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.” 

We always have these two perspectives and it is our choice which to cultivate. This doesn't diminish the fact that there are times when our list of things to be grateful for is small. Like Joseph Smith, or like Job, you may have everything taken from you. But look at this quote by President Uchtdorf:

“Some might say, ‘What do I have to be grateful for when my world is falling apart?’ Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be.”

Being grateful for things vs. grateful in our circumstances. This is how I take back my agency. Now my gratitude doesn't depend on what I have or don't have. It's simply a choice I make each day. I think this principle was exemplified by our Savior when he fed the 4,000. In John 6:5-12, Jesus Christ has 4,000 men plus women and children, and it is time for supper. Apparently, not even 200 pennyworth would have been enough to buy food to feed them all. I don't even know how much that is but it sounds like a lot. They find a kid with five loaves of bread and two fishes. The Master takes these and the first thing he does is give thanks.

Give thanks? For what?

Ah, oh yeah, our thanks doesn't have to be tied to things. So maybe he isn't giving thanks for anything. Maybe he is just grateful for the circumstances. But how could he even be grateful for the situation? He has a whole bunch of potentially hangry people and no food. Well look at verse 14, after the miracle had been performed:

"Then those men, when they had seen the miracle that Jesus did, said, This is of a truth that prophet that should come into the world."

It's possible that Christ was giving thanks for the opportunity to accomplish the purposes of God. Maybe Christ was grateful because he saw the purpose behind the situation. Maybe he knew that many would believe and some would be converted because of it. And maybe your current circumstances are doing the same. Maybe your situation is nothing less than an opportunity for God to work his eternal purposes in your life.

Another example. Tevye, from Fiddler on the Roof sings "If I were a rich man..." and says these lines:

Lord, who made the lion and the lamb,

You decreed I should be what I am;

Would it spoil some vast eternal plan,

                        If I were a wealthy man?

Elder Oak responded to this question by saying "Yes, Tevye, it might." 

It might? What? You mean there is some eternal reason I can't find a job, or have been trying to have children no success, or is the reason I have cancer? Are you saying, Elder Oaks, that my purpose for being here on this earth - that God's whole eternal program for me might be messed up if I just got what I wanted and what made life easy and comfortable?

Exactly. 

I'm guilty of asking "Why don't I have what that person has? Why is this so hard for me, but not for them?" How easy it is to forget that there is a much greater purpose to life than ease and comfort. 

      "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; … and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good." (D&C 98:1, 3)

And that is why I can be grateful in any circumstance. It is precisely because when times are hard the Spirit can touch me and remind me that there is a great purpose underlying these experiences I'm having. Our gratitude is our choice, no matter what our situation is. There is eternal purpose underlying all we experience in this life. Gratitude can help us see that. And when we do, the greatest miracle will be what happens in our heart.

Thanks for reading all the way to the end of this.

That Easter Morn

Think about a good, "summer" season of your life, figuratively speaking. A time when things were going great. The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, and everything just seemed to be going your way. Maybe it was a job promotion you were about to get that you had worked hard for years to obtain. Maybe you finally got engaged to the person you have been waiting years to find. Or, maybe you just overcame an illness or recovered from a surgery and are excited about the prospect of a healthy body once again. Whatever the case, the feeling was that there is a bright future. You could sense the light. You felt as if your day had finally come. Your hope was about to be realized.

For me that is what the disciples felt as Christ rode triumphantly into Jerusalem. Here was their King, come to redeem Israel. Their day had arrived.

Then, what happened in the followed days utterly dashed their hopes and their dreams. This was the moment they had been waiting for! Everything had been right. How did it suddenly and so inexplicably go so wrong? From sunshine and salvation to death and darkness in a matter of days. These contemporary Christians must have been dumbfounded and devastated.

Cleopas, on the road to Emmaus, voices his heartfelt disappointment, "But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel". Can you feel it? Everything had been perfect. He had trusted wholeheartedly in God and that trust seems to have been in vain. After all the waiting, and hoping and trusting, just when you think it is about to pay off, it seems to go south again.

Their King, the One who was supposed to redeem Israel, was gone.

This is the backdrop of that Easter Morn. But one lesson we can learn from the resurrection of Jesus Christ is that his thoughts are not our thoughts, and his ways are not our ways. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so his ways are higher than ours. Christ performed everything that had been prophesied and promised. But not in ways the disciples expected.

So it is with us.

When we think things are going unexpectedly and terribly wrong (when in fact, they are going terribly wrong), it may just be that God is performing His work, just as promised, but that we just don't understand it quite yet. Just as the Apostles took some time to come to understand the higher work God had worked, it may take some time for us to realize the higher work God is performing in our lives. To us, it may not make any sense whatsoever. It may be confusing. It may seem like God hasn't kept his promises. It may seem like our faith and trust in him is all in vain.

I know that it isn't. Although we don't always understand how the Lord is working in our lives, I know He is. As long as we are striving to be close to Him and do what He asks. Because of the resurrection in particular, I know that "He lives, all blessings to impart" even when we can't see or understand those blessings. I know that Jesus Christ lives!

The Book of Mormon

So, it turns out that Duke has a first edition copy of the Book of Mormon. You have to register with the special collections people, and promise not to steal anything, but then they just bring it out and put it there for you to flip through! My friend Camille and I went on Friday to check it out. Here are a few pictures.

I should have taken a picture of it, but the last page has a picture of some kind of animal (potentially a dragon) by a kid. Church is long sometimes, right?

Jokes aside, this was obviously a really cool opportunity. As we were flipping through, Camille said "I wonder how many people this book converted?" It was neat to reflect on what that books life might have been like. This was a book never before seen by the world. It was suddenly much easier to see the Book of Mormon through the eyes of someone who has never hear of it or seen it before. What would have been like to receive this book without any preconceived notions about "Mormons" or Joseph Smith? Reading the testimonies of Jesus Christ, the detailed explanations of faith, repentance, justice, mercy, and grace, the stories of missionary work and entire civilizations conversion to Christianity, the account of Jesus Christ visiting the people personally! It is a remarkable book. This book was the initial fulfillment of hundreds of years of prophecy and promises to the people in the Americas.

I guess you could say that even more amazing are the millions of people who have received this book since it was first printed in 1830. Last night I attended a baptism for my ward. I sat next to another guy in my ward who was baptized last fall. It is still having a significant impact on the world. How many books that have ever been published have had such a profound impact on the world (and I mean the entire world, since it has been translated into 82 languages and more than 150 million copies have been printed)? I can only think of a few. Obviously, this is no ordinary book. 

And when I think about the impact it has had on my own life, I can hardly believe it. There is no doubt in my mind that this book is true. I love this book for what it teaches and for the Spirit and power it brings into my life when I study it. I had no idea the first time I read the Book of Mormon how great an impact it would have had on the choices I would make and the kind of person I would become. 

For anyone reading this who doesn't know much about the Book of Mormon, here is a short introductory video.

The Tim Tam Pam

Christmas

I know this is a lot of pictures, but I had a long break from school, so what do you expect? If you have seen Pam's blog, you will notice a few repeats.

Snowboarding with McCalle Hazen and others at Sundance. It snowed all day and we had a blast.

 Jason and Deb and I read an abridged version of The Christmas Carol. Probably my favorite rendition ever. The many accents employed by all of us made for some good laughs.

Gingerbread houses.

I just love this picture.

To the temple lights!

Pam and Rob have a cool tradition of mixing drinks... I mean Bahama Bucks snowcones... at Christmas time. We had a nice sunny and warm day at the park.

Christmas morning.

Hens playing king of the mountain.

I had a lot of fin with her.

Oh and this was cool. Until it fell over.

My parents, Kim, Nate, and Brother and Sister Hall  (pictured below) got to attend the new Gilbert Temple together. It was one of the best parts of the trip.

Also a highlight - visiting my mission president and his wife. I love and respect them more and more.

Kim took my parents and I to the Musical Instrument Museum. It was really cool.

Rollerblading around Tempe Town Lake has become a tradition of our every time I visit.

The lifesize legos are also a great way to keep the kids contained.

In addition to "Uncle Dave" I went by "bavid" while visiting.

Christmas Eve dinner!

My new favorite picture of my mom.

Doin' hair. It's just what we do.

I liked this picture of Luc and I. And Nate. In fact, this is the best photobomb I have seen in a while. He just had to subtly glance up at just the right moment...

To anyone looking at the blog who has ever seen me wear this shirt and wondered why I wear it.. here is your answer. Its all because of her.

Saved the best for last...

Remember when...

This post will probably only be meaningful for my immediate family. I was just looking through pictures from 2008 and found some gems. 

Ian. I don't know where this is, or where that stuff came from.

Not sure what Kayla is doing, but it looks like Lorna is taking a nap.

Lucy!

I think this was at the Rexburg 4th of July Parade.

Christmas!

Never a better Mary and Joseph

Pretty sure we were sitting around reading The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Dealing with Scarcity

      Based on the title some of you might be reading this because (or despite) a belief that I am writing about economics. I'll just make it clear right now that I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I love economics. Since 2/3 of my current courses are on economics, you may get a post or two about economics in the near future. The title actually comes from some thoughts I had while reading the scriptures this morning. Specifically 2 Kings 4:1-7

 1 Now there cried a certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets unto Elisha, saying, Thy servant my husband is dead; and thou knowest that thy servant did fear the Lord: and thecreditor is come to take unto him my two sons to be bondmen.
 2 And Elisha said unto her, What shall I do for thee? tell me, what hast thou in the house? And she said, Thine handmaid hath not any thing in the house, save a pot of oil.
 3 Then he said, Go, borrow thee vessels abroad of all thy neighbours, even empty vessels; borrow not a few.
 4 And when thou art come in, thou shalt shut the door upon thee and upon thy sons, and shalt pour out into all those vessels, and thou shalt set aside that which is full.
 5 So she went from him, and shut the door upon her and upon her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured out.
 6 And it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said unto her son, Bring me yet a vessel. And he said unto her, There isnot a vessel more. And the oil stayed.
 7 Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, Go, sell the oil, and pay thy debt, and live thou and thy children of the rest.

      I think this is my first time reading this story. From what I gather, a woman's husband dies and leaves her with a large debt burden. She doesn't know what to do, and so she seeks help from the prophet Elisha. The prophet tells her to go get as many pots as possible, and to start pouring the little oil she has into the pots. She does so, and miraculously she fills them all up. So many pots, in fact, that there weren't any left in the neighborhood. Then she sells all the pots of oil and pays here debts.

      For me this was reminiscent of events in Christs life: the feeding of the 4,000, the feeding of the 5,000, the two times the Savior instructed his disciples to let down their nets to find fish that were so elusive just moments before. It also reminds us of an event in the the life of another widow that met Elijah, who miraculously had enough meal to keep her and her son alive through the drought. In all these cases, there seems to be something created out of nothing. Some kind of magician's trick - like pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Where once all we saw was emptiness, now we see abundance.

      The central problem in all of these stories is one of scarcity. When Christ had 4,000 men (plus the women and children), he had seven loaves of bread and a few little fishes. Was food scarce? Yes. But did Jesus Christ see scarcity? No. He trusted in His Father's abundance.

      A little more thought on the matter helps us see that the scarcity of mortality is ever present. We live in a world of scarce time, scarce energy, scarce resources. We all face and must deal with the idea of scarcity. But when we put our trust in God and live faithful to Him, the scarcity of mortality is always accompanied by the abundance of eternity. Elder Holland makes the point that God wants to pour out blessings. He has an abundance, and is anxiously waiting to provide.

...surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it.

On another occasion he said

God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe.

      I believe that God is a God of abundance. I believe that when we feel the constraints of mortality, that we can trust in God's ability to create something where all we see is a lack. If there is anything we can learn from the life of the Savior, it is that "He lives to bless in time of need" (Hymn 136, "I know that my Redeemer Lives").

Duke Gardens

I finished my "math camp" this morning and took a little stroll around the Duke Gardens afterward. First, there are a lot of things that grow in North Carolina that do not grow out west. It was amazing. Second, the place is huge. I felt like singing to myself  "come with me, and you'll see in a world of pure imagination..."

Enjoy the pictures!

Cross Country

It's hard to summarize everything that happened in the week that I made the trip across the country. There is a little sketch right here though. Enjoy!

Day 1
We left Provo around 2 and headed down to Monticello to visit and stay with my good ole' buddy Oliver. Monticello is a beautiful place. We celebrated Dantzel's birthday (Oliver's wife) with a watermelon cake. Then we went to a lookout to watch the sunset over Canyonlands National Park.

Day 2

Monday morning we relaxed a little and headed out around 9 because it was only a 6 hour drive that day. Driving up over the continental divide was beautiful. But somewhere around Vail my check engine light went on. Keep in mind, almost all of my earthly possessions were in this little ford escape. It had been struggling to get up over some of the mountains, but I figured that was normal. 

That night we stayed with some of Bec's friends in Denver. After dinner and before the water balloon FHE, we had the engine code read - transmission problems. Earlier that day while trying to make conversation on the drive I had turned to Bec and said "Worst case scenario, it is my transmission and I have to buy a new car. What kind of car would I buy?" Those words turned out to be prophetic...

Just outside of Vail, CO

Day 3

The day started out going to a couple of auto places to try and see what the actual problem with the transmission was. By about 10 am or so we got our first diagnosis: $2-3,000 and at least two days before it would be ready to drive across the country. Ouch. We were on a time crunch, so we decided to get a second opinion. The second place said $2,600 but could have it ready the next day. That's when it was time to make a decision. In the mean time we had looked into uHauls and other rentals but nothing seemed that doable. The decisions were: Fix the car or not? If not, rent or buy a car now? If I buy a new one, which car? And what do I do with my old car? I had a couple hours to make those choices. 

There were more little blessings and miracles that occured to get everything to work out than I can probably remember. One is that the second auto shop had a string of used car dealerships right down the street. Another was that Bec's friend, along with her three young kids, followed us around all day making sure that we were taken care of. I decided to sell the car to a used car lot and found a Chevy Blazer down the street that had a good insurance package that gave me some peace of mind driving across the country with it. So, by 6pm I had sold my car, cashed the check, bought a new car, and transferred all my stuff from one car to the other, and we were on the road again! One last blessing: the guy that bought the car from me was a saint. He heard my situation and showed some sympathy - so he actually gave me the check for my car and let me drive it to the bank, cash the check, go to the other dealership, transfer all my stuff, and then drop off my car two hours later at his place. He was heaven sent. Not many people would have trusted a stranger to do that. I think it helped that we were wearing BYU shirts. 

Waiting for the first diagnosis

Test driving the Blazer

Moving to a new home

Saying goodbye to Red

The view of the sunset as we drove away from Denver that night

Day 3.5

You thought day 4 was next, right? Nope. To make up for the day in Denver, we drive all through the night. We left Denver at 6pm and made it to Nauvoo the next morning at 10am. Sorry no pictures. But it was dark, and we were driving through Kansas, so you aren't missing much.

Day 4

Nauvoo! I had never been. And I was so tired, I am not sure I can count this one. But it was a blast. We spent mot of the day there and then drove to St. Louis that evening and visited the Arch.

A couple favorite quotes on the Trail of Hope...

This band was awesome. 

I liked this. Just seemed too picture perfect. Small town in the midwest, hanging clothes out to dry next to the corn field..

Cartage Jail.

This is the door the mob shot through, you can see the bullet hole on the right side

St. Louis! Sorry I don't have any good pics of the Arch. 

Day 5

We drove almost all the way to Durham the next day, stopping in Nashville for a couple hours to get food (Hattie B's, best fried chicken I have ever had) and see some sights.

Day 6

On Friday morning we had just a couple hours left and we made it to Durham by about 10 am. Here are a few pictures of my apartment and Duke.

Cameron. Can't wait to be here for a game.

Walking between buildings on campus is amazing.

My home.

My other home.

Where I sleep.

What I look at before I go to sleep